Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart broke in a million pieces when my fiancé told me he no longer wanted to marry me, although he “will always love and respect me.” What crap! We broke up.
He stayed out of sight and “respected” me for six more weeks, and then he showed up in public with his new girlfriend at a music event I attended. The truth was out.
She looked vaguely familiar from music events. My best friend pointed out this was his ex, with a radical new haircut. I went into shock. Now she’s back, and I hear he’s going to start to play in her own new band. He’ll also be back with his bad music scene friends.
It hurts me so much! He had quit music and heavy partying, and swore he’d love me forever and said we’d get married and have kids together. The whole package! What really happened? I’m sick of the lies and apologies people feed me.
— Discarded Like So Much Trash, Osborne Village
Dear Discarded: OK, hang on for the truth: His ex threw him over and broke his heart and he took solace in wonderful you — the opposite type from his ex which perhaps awakened a dream he’d once had for a home and a family . However, when he got back in with his ex again, he got his bigger dream back. That includes making every kind of music with her and possibly some hope for fame together as musicians.
That old rejection wound is healed for him, now. Being a male, he knows he can always have a family and kids later on.
You were the one who kept him breathing when he was mourning for his lost love and he was grateful, but not deeply in love, like he was with his ex. It hurts a lot for you right now, and that’s understandable. You know what hurts worse? Being married with children, to someone who still longs for their ex.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my young, widowed mom but she’s a royal pain in the rear. This morning she wanted me to start her long list of Christmas shopping for her. no way! I’m married now with two toddlers. My husband and I made the mistake of buying a house in Mom’s neighbourhood, thinking we could help her out when she got older. Well, she’s only turning 50 this year and she’s athletic (a curler and cross-country skier) and has plenty of money, but she’s bone-lazy and entitled.
— Desperately Need to Quit My Non-Job, North End
Dear Need To Quit: Your mother needs to hear you say: “I love you, but I have to quit doing errands for you, as my toddlers need me too much.”
Then add: “You can afford to hire a personal shopper and errand runner with their own wheels.” Offer to help her find someone, but that’s it, except for emergencies. You may find Mom actually prefers to do her own errands, after some grumbling.
PS: Be sure to invite Mom to come over and see the grandkids and you more often. Her demands may, in part, apologize to see you and the kids.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for “Missing Baked Goods” in North Kildonan, the couple who thinks they can’t keep baking as they’re gaining too much weight. Their problem isn’t the baking, it’s eating too much of it!
I’d suggest their first goal is finding others in their neighborhood who’d like some delicious baked goods, but don’t have the time, skills or facilities to bake. There are sure to be many folks and families around who’d appreciate a donation of sweet treats. This would be a great way to meet new people and make friends. Share and enjoy!
— Sweet Tooth Too, Manitoba
Dear Sweet Tooth: People in the country who may be somewhat acquainted, would welcome this idea easily. In the city, it might be best to just approach friends, family and neighbors you already know — although people within the same apartment building might be open to delicious baking and getting to know new people.
Please send your questions and comments to [email protected] or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
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